Taking the Upset Out of Upheaval
by Mary Jane
Mapes
Like it or not, we're all in a constant state of change, and it's how we
come to those changes, not how they come to us, that will determine our future. It's one
thing to understand this intellectually, and it's quite another thing to really know it.
Probably the greatest teacher for me was in watching how other people responded positively
to what I considered "very upsetting events." I am grateful for these people
because they taught, not by words, but through actions. Observing them, and the peace and
joy they experienced in their lives, caused me to want to know what they knew that I
didn't.
For example, several years ago an acquaintance of mine learned that she had cancer. As a
result of chemotherapy, her hair fell out in clumps, leaving her competely bald. I will
never forget the picture of her in the newspaper, smiling as she was shown being fitted
for a wig. I remember thinking at the time, "My, what a brave face she is putting
on!" I have come to realize that her smile wasn't simply a mask she wore for others,
but rather a genuine reflection of who she knows herself to be.
Clare doesn't always feel self confident (as confidence comes from knowing we can DO), but
she is one of the most self-accepting people I know. Self acceptance comes from knowing
who we ARE, and Clare is definitely clear about who she IS. This is the part of Clare that
served as an example to me.
So what does Clare know that allows her to take the "upset" out of
"upheaval" and spread joy even in, what most of us would call, "the worst
of situations?" I believe it to be three key things.
Clare accepts; she doesn't resist. It's natural to resist that which we find unpleasant,
whether it be a person we don't like, a feeling we find uncomfortable, or a change we
don't want. And what we usually discover is that the more we resist, the more the
unpleasant thing persists. The moment we choose to accept "what is" as simply
WHAT IS, we free ourselves to be open to all the energy and creativity available. When we
choose acceptance, we have made a choice. Where there's choice, there's energy, and where
there's energy, there's life!
Clare's mind-set is one of victor, not victim. As far back as Adam and Eve in the Garden
of Eden, we find human beings who refused to accept responsibility. Adam blamed Eve and
Eve blamed the serpent. Lorena Bobbitt blamed her abusive husband for mutilating him, and
the Menendez brothers blamed the parents they shot and killed for their very murders.
First female B-52 bomber pilot Kelly Flinn blamed a flawed military system of punishment
for her discharge from the airforce, and according to Time Magazine, she "reasserted
that Marc Zigo was to blame for her downfall."
How easy it is to cast blame elsewhere, seeing ourselves as victim. But, have you noticed
that you can never find a joyous victim? Clare, on the other hand, even in the throes of
the worst of her disease, spent her time giving thanks and praise for her life and
everything in it. "This is my year for cancer! Thank the Lord for what this disease
can teach me; thank the Lord for every blessing He has bestowed upon me."
And Clare has been blessed and continues to be blessed. She has been blessed with a clean
bill of health for several years since the cancer first appeared and was surgically
removed, she has been blessed with a loving husband and five wonderful children who adore
her, she has been blessed with a plethora of friends who find her simple presence a joy
and inspiration. Clare never thinks or acts like a victim regardless of her circumstances
because she knows that she is and always will be victor!
Clare trusts; she doesn't doubt. It has been said that we are either living in
"fear" or we are living in "love." Fear brings upset with upheaval.
Love brings calm and assurance. By walking in "love" we have chosen to walk on
higher ground, trusting that we are exactly where we are supposed to be, and that all
things work for our greatest good. Clare walks with love in her heart, a smile on her
face, and a song on her lips, and she is never disappointed for long. Faith, she has
learned, is the KEY.
As hard as we may try, we can never give someone else what we have found, but we can live
in such a way that we cause others to desire it. Clare has lived in such a way that she
causes those who know her to want to know what she has found.
Speaking and training is my business, and yet I know that for all the words I will ever
speak, and for all the lessons I will ever attempt to impart, there will be nothing more
powerful in the eyes of my children, my family, my friends, and my clients, than the way I
live my life. I am grateful for all the Clares, both past and future, who, by their very
life, have helped to light the path and show the way to healthy, happy living.
©Copyright 1999-2006 Mary Jane Mapes All rights reserved.
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