Understanding Intentions: A Key to Influence
by Mary Jane
Mapes
John sat across the table from me. I was interviewing him to gather information needed to customize the interpersonal communication program in which he was to participate.
He looked perplexed. Rubbing his forehead, he sighed, "Maybe you can tell me why I'm often told by others at staff meetings that I look disinterested in what's going on." Then he added, "And why people accuse me of being negative when I'm only trying to point out the potential hazards involved in moving forward on a project without proper investigation of the problems under discussion."
"Are you disinterested? Are you negative?" I asked.
"No," he said. "It's just that some people at those meetings are long-winded. They blow a lot of hot air without substantial evidence to support their opinions. It takes them forever to say nothing. I'm so agitated by the time I finally get a word in edgewise, I probably sound negative. But I'm not. They just don't realize that my intentions are positive. I'm only trying to make sure that the job is done right. Why can't they see that my intentions are for the good of the company? You'd think I was the enemy."
John was simultaneously hurt and baffled by others reactions to him. His intentions were positive, and yet no one else seemed to recognize it. This gave rise to feelings of frustration and a desire to withdraw from active participation at meetings.
John was soon to discover something that would change his life--how one's intent drives behavior and what could be done to bring about better understanding.
Whether you are in sales, service, or management, your understanding of how intent drives behavior will be an important factor in influencing others.
If we could put human behavior under a magnifying glass, we'd see the motives that direct people to act as they do. Dr. Rick Brinkman and Dr. Rick Kirschner in their book,
Dealing with People You Can't Stand, tell us that every behavior has a purpose, or an intent, that the behavior is trying to achieve. They identify four primary intents: 1) to get the task done, 2) to get the task right, 3) to get appreciated by people and 4) to get along with people. Our intent, and therefore our behavior, can change depending on our priorities.
For instance, several months ago I was asked to chair a committee that would select 50 presenters who would be invited to speak at a national convention. The selections were to be made and turned in no later than March 1. My committee met on December 15 of last year and identified the 50 presenters we wanted. Since some of our chosen 50 had submitted titles for their presentations that we didn't feel would attract convention-goers, we contacted them and asked that they get back to us with another title.
In December, with lots of time left to get the job done, I was very much motivated to get
along with people. When pressed for more time to come up with a new title, I gladly granted it. You see, when I'm in the "get along with people" mode, I'm generally less assertive and put others needs and desires before my own.
By February 21, however, the deadline for turning in names and titles was only two week away. Two people had not yet turned in new titles, and I was beginning to feel pressured. My own motivation had changed to
get the task done. In this mode, my tendency was to speed up and become more assertive and action-oriented. I contacted the two people and told them directly that I couldn't wait any longer-the title needed to be turned in promptly or they wouldn't be in the program.
When someone is in the get the task done right mode, they become more deliberate in their actions. They analyze, focus on the details of the task, and are slow to make a decision. Whenever I'm working with anything that has to do with numbers, I move into this mode very quickly.
When in the get appreciation from people mode, we increase our level of assertiveness and our focus on people in order to be recognized by others. I exercised this mode just the other day when I emailed a friend information about a training program that I thought she would absolutely love. I told her that should she decide to sign up and take the course, she would thank me for it!
Our top priority at any given moment will dictate our intent and our behavior.
Our ability to communicate effectively with others depends on an aware of our own intentions and a recognition of the intentions of others. When intentions do not get clarified and communicated up-front, the result is apt to be frustration and conflict.
By paying attention to what people are saying and how they are saying it though their language, body language, and tone of voice, you will gain a clear understanding of what matters most to them--the first step toward achieving greater influence with others.
©Copyright Mary Jane Mapes All rights reserved.
Top
of page
You may reprint or repost this article providing that the following
conditions are met:
- The article remains essentially unaltered.
- Mary Jane Mapes is shown as the author.
- The notice Copyright 1999-2006 by Mary Jane Mapes or similar appears on the article
- Contact information for Mary Jane is included with the article. You may refer readers to
this Web site as a way to meet this requirement, or use the information on our contact
page.
- Any other reprinting or reposting requires specific permission which is almost always
granted.
Core Attitudes for Success || Understanding Others || Creating Customer Loyalty
Developing Influence ||
What Clients Say || Bio/Credentials || Main Page
Learning Resources ||
Shopping
Cart || Ask Mary Jane
Copyright 1999-2006 by Mary Jane Mapes, CSP.
Email us at MaryJane@MaryJaneMapes.com or Click for Contact Information |
